I was reading a post written by A Long Far View the other day about Being Yourself and it really got me thinking.
Am I ok with just being myself?
If you had asked me last week, I might have said mostly yes. Work was going really well. I was checking thing off of my yearly goals list and really feeling like I was accomplishing things and making a difference. I also had the opportunity to talk to a group of high school girls and their parents about my career at an orientation for a program that gets girls excited about careers in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math). I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing things like this and both the girls and their parents seemed to enjoy my presentation. I think I may have even convinced a few that Materials Engineering might be in their future! Home life was also great! The Hubs and I had the opportunity to hang out with great friends who I've known since college and who will definitely be friends for life. It felt great just being with people we love being around!
Now, fast forward to last night... If you had asked me then if I was ok with being myself, it would have been a resounding "NO!". I had
an especially bad self esteem evening as I was trying on a dress I've
worn over the past couple of years to multiple weddings. Since we
have a work party this weekend, I thought it would be a good time to
figure out if these dresses still fit. (Nothing like waiting to the last
minute, eh?) Well, the dresses ended up fitting, but they felt much tighter
than I remember and I felt like I looked especially bad in it. I knew I'd gained a little weight and this was evidence. A little too
many treats and not enough working out will do that to you. But then I
really started getting down on myself... comparing myself to my friends
who are pregnant and weigh the same as me. That escalated to the inaccurate perception that I'm broken since I can't get pregnant. That let to me just getting in bed at 8:00pm by myself throwing myself a pity party while The Hubs was watching TV in the other room.
So moral of the story.. I guess I haven't fully figured out how to accept myself as I am, even at 29.
I definitely don't feel the need to doll myself up like I used to in college, but I still do the evil thing of comparing myself to others. I need to continually remind myself that people love me and want to be friends with me just the way I am. Doesn't matter my size or shape or my crazy Type A anxious personality (although it does leave me wide open for teasing!).
Guess I need to catch up on the 17 Oprah's Life Classes I have on my DVR. Maybe I'll learn a little more about self-acceptance from her!
Are you ok with just being yourself or do you still struggle with it?
How have you been able to let go of all of your self-criticisms?